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The Gray Lady Tries Hard To Stay Gray

Not only is the New York Times [aka The Gray Lady] the nation's paper of record, it's also one of our favorite targets topics.

So, we're pretty amused that the Gray Lady has opted not to cover the Mel Gibson incident for the scandal that it is. Instead, they ran with a long, heady think-piece about the anatomy of a scandal. It also just happens to contain lots of juicy rumors about the drunken Nazi movie actor.

The real story here, they insist, is this: Scandals spread really, really fast these days. Especially because of this new gee-whiz thing called the Internet.

C'mon, Gray Lady, just admit: You're addicted to People.com's RSS feed, aren't you?

When Gossip Goes Bad

Those who ignore all the scandals that are fit to print may not know that a reporter from Page Six -- the most feared, respected and widely-read gossip column in NYC -- has been accused of trying to shake down a Beverly Hills billionaire.

For some $220,000, freelancer Jared Paul Stern promised a supermarket mogul Ron Burkle that he'd offer his "protection" -- or keep his name and false damaging items out of bold face type.   

Apparently, Burkle resented his mobster tactics. He called in the FBI, which promptly launched a sting operation. Stern is now under investigation. He's also [unofficially, still] toast at the Post.

Since we spent a couple years sitting about 18 inches away from the Page Six desk during our tenure as an entertainment writer at the Post, we know Jared Paul Stern [Yup, he is a putz.] We also know - and occassionally worked with -- Page Six editor Richard Johnson. [A powerbroker? Yes. A roving eye? Yup. Schwag? Oh puleez!! Extortion? He's got better things to do.] Working at the Post did feel like being part of a family. [But not this family.]

Anyhoo, the fallout has been delicious extensive. The Post insists that Stern is just a stringer [he was]. Arch-rival New York Daily News made hay with headlines like "Page Sick" and "Page Fix." Even the venerable New York Times couldn't resist digging in with multiple stories and a highly enjoyable flow chart. [Click to enlarge]. And proof of just how major this story is: Gawker created an entire category named Payola Six.

Stay tuned. The fun's just beginning. 

Beep Beep

Earlier today, the New York media went into a frenzy trying to get footage of the coyote loose in Central Park. News choppers clamoured, reporters scrambled and CNN interrupted whatever ratings-driven important news coverage for the "breaking news." 

Meanwhile, our official ACME Crystal Ball tells us that one very crafty, long-limbed bird masterminded this brilliant media stunt.    

A Rat By Any Other Name

Ripped from today's headlines: 

The AP today reported that the squirrel-rat, a species that some believed went extinct some 11 billion years ago, is actually alive and scampering around the jungles of Loas. 

This important discovery will be reported in an upcoming issue of the journal, Science.

Apparently, the brainiacs who came to this conclusion have never been to Central Park, where mutant, shifty-eyed, rat-like squirrels feast on salt pretzels and Hebrew Nationals, and regularly terrorize the timid, nature-phobic species, commonly known as New Yorkers.   

Just Say No

An Open Memo To Anna Wintour, Et Al:

It's simple, really: We don't want to look like Japanese anime bunnies. We do not want to resemble those spooky twins in The Shining. We don't want our fall wardrobes to frighten little children.

Please, pretty please, won't you stop the madness while you still can?

Dumpster Chic

If the fashionista in your life has seemed a little preoccupied lately, it's because this is Fashion Week in NYC.

As models swaggered down the runways in the Fall 2006 Collections, the rest of us got a preview of what we'll be wearing the coming years.

Marc Jacobs -- fashion's current high priest -- came out with clothes that are best described as Dumpster Chic. His collection got a stellar review by the NYT, who claimed it captured a "vagabond urban richness."  [It's up to the reader to decide whether this remark is sarcastic.]

Aww, c'mon, Marc. Isn't it time you admit that all you've done is swipe this look off the backs of today's starlets. 

Think Mary Kate Olsen drowning in those bag lady get-ups.

Or Kirsten Dunst who mistakenly wore a wad of Kleenex to a movie premiere.   

Think Sienna Miller, who threw a belt over a swath of burlap. Or Katie Holmes, in her post-Stepfordized incarnation. 

But there is a silver lining to Dumpster Chic: We can all eat carbs again.

* Prior to their emergence on the runways, we issued warnings about leg warmers here and here.

The Crisis Worsens

The unthinkable has happened: Leg warmers are back.

We can now confirm that the event we've dreaded since leg warmers were eradicated from the fashion landscape during the '80s has just occurred. It is believed to be the first serious leg warmer disaster since Flashdance.

Lime green and crocheted, these leg warmers are avaiable at Urban Outfitters. These are too. One of our sharp-eyed interns [who actually shrieked "Oh! My Eyes!" upon seeing these] transmitted photographic proof of the latest menace this morning.

First Responders are urged to take all necessary precautions as they venture near what is obviously a HAZMAT situation. Professionals will be dispatched to help unsuspecting victims cope with any exposure they might have suffered.

Yesterday's discovery of stirrup pants alerted us to the grave fashion crisis facing our nation. Officials are already calling for the capture Urban Outfitters buyers in order to force them to wear this crap themselves.

[Ed. Note: Scribblista should clarify that these legs do not belong to our intern. We would never subject any of them to this type of trauma and/or humiliation. At least, not this close to Christmas.]

We Regret To Inform You

It brings us no pleasure to report that stirrup pants appear to be making a fashion comeback. Urban Outfitters - the mecca for all wannabe hipsters -- just started selling them. 

This is a dark day for the millions of stirrup pant survivors from the '80s, many of whom continue to suffer from acute PTSD episodes, particularly when leafing through old photo albums.
 
We've also uncovered chilling evidence of many other WMDs [Weapons of Miscalculated Design], including camoflague gauchos,  metallic macramé totes, striped lurex tops and slouchy silver boots.  Before clicking on the links, however, we must warn that the images you are about to see may be extremely distrubing. View them at your own risk.

Ho Ho Horror

Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus. And if you're not good, he'll slice off your head. 

Or so say those heathens in New York.

Instead of prettifying their homes with Martha Stewart-like boughs of holly and buying huge swaths of fake snow from Wal-Mart like normal Amurikans, a couple of Scrooges have gone and turned Santa Claus into a murderer.

Perhaps not the most traditional rendering of Christmas, but it's a lot more wholesome than the Paris Hilton holiday display. Close-up photos of Santa's evil deeds are up on Flickr.

Wanna Take A Walk?

NYC is fabled for its list of amazing things to see and do, but after living there for eight years, we never found anything that consistently rivaled a simple walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.

So, we invite you to take a virtual stroll with us across the bridge, via these photos taken by Paul Katcher. [via cityrag]

His pictures capture what we always loved best about the walk: Watching the play of the bridge's cables against the changing landscape of skyscrapers. They also illustrate the scope of the sky and water, providing those rare glimpses of nature and horizons in New York. 
It's a trek that is worth taking whenever one gets the chance...