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Back in 2006

We've given ourselves a few days off, due to the holiday whirlwind and because we're spending this week catching up with far-flung family and friends.
We'll resume our smart-aleckiness on January 3, 2006.
Until then, have a safe and fun-filled New Year's Eve and Day.

Merry Merry Joy Joy

Happy Holidays * Merry Christmas * Seasons Greetings * Joyeux Noel * Feliz Navidad * Happy Channakuh * Merry Kwaanza.

We at Scribblista wish you boundless holiday cheer.

May your Christmas be merry and bright. And if that's not gonna happen, may your eggnog be strong. Have a good one, all!

Turduckens Are For Sissies

Dear Scribblista:
I'm making dinner for my boyfriend and his redneck family this Christmas. They're all meat-crazy and last year, my Tofurky did not go over so well. His brothers went out and shot themselves a catfish instead. How do you suggest that I impress them? - Flex-a-terian 4 Life

Dear Flex:
Have you heard of a Turducken? It's a de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck stuffed with a de-boned chicken. They're an obsession with foodies and some of our favorite local spokespeople.

Well, now there's Turducken x Ten. Seems a chef across the pond tweaked the idea a wee bit and his recipe calls for a turkey stuffed with a goose + duck + mallard + guinea fowl + chicken + pheasant + partridge + pigeon + woodcock. It takes nine hours to cook (not including the prep time to debone and defeather all that foul fowl) and costs upwards of $250.

Some tipsters offered another twist that's guaranteed to dazzle the hardest-core carnivores in your life: Continue stuffing it into an emu. Then an ostrich.

The Crisis Worsens

The unthinkable has happened: Leg warmers are back.

We can now confirm that the event we've dreaded since leg warmers were eradicated from the fashion landscape during the '80s has just occurred. It is believed to be the first serious leg warmer disaster since Flashdance.

Lime green and crocheted, these leg warmers are avaiable at Urban Outfitters. These are too. One of our sharp-eyed interns [who actually shrieked "Oh! My Eyes!" upon seeing these] transmitted photographic proof of the latest menace this morning.

First Responders are urged to take all necessary precautions as they venture near what is obviously a HAZMAT situation. Professionals will be dispatched to help unsuspecting victims cope with any exposure they might have suffered.

Yesterday's discovery of stirrup pants alerted us to the grave fashion crisis facing our nation. Officials are already calling for the capture Urban Outfitters buyers in order to force them to wear this crap themselves.

[Ed. Note: Scribblista should clarify that these legs do not belong to our intern. We would never subject any of them to this type of trauma and/or humiliation. At least, not this close to Christmas.]

We Regret To Inform You

It brings us no pleasure to report that stirrup pants appear to be making a fashion comeback. Urban Outfitters - the mecca for all wannabe hipsters -- just started selling them. 

This is a dark day for the millions of stirrup pant survivors from the '80s, many of whom continue to suffer from acute PTSD episodes, particularly when leafing through old photo albums.
 
We've also uncovered chilling evidence of many other WMDs [Weapons of Miscalculated Design], including camoflague gauchos,  metallic macramé totes, striped lurex tops and slouchy silver boots.  Before clicking on the links, however, we must warn that the images you are about to see may be extremely distrubing. View them at your own risk.

Mr. Cruise, Please Come Out of the Closet

Kids say the darnest things.
Especially when those kids are on South Park.

We linked to an abbreviated version of this awesome Tom Cruise clip a while back, but thought we'd re-run the longer version after it came up at a Festivus party we went to last night.   

In this clip, L. Ron Hubbard is reincarnated as one of the kids and Tom Cruise makes a pilgrimage to meet his mentor. Hijinx ensue. Some interesting updates on the fall-out from this clip can be found here and here.

Typepad Trouble

As many Typepad users know, the servers have been down all day and they appear to have misplaced some recent posts.
They tell us they'll have it fixed up by tomorrow. Please stay tuned....

Ho Ho Horror

Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus. And if you're not good, he'll slice off your head. 

Or so say those heathens in New York.

Instead of prettifying their homes with Martha Stewart-like boughs of holly and buying huge swaths of fake snow from Wal-Mart like normal Amurikans, a couple of Scrooges have gone and turned Santa Claus into a murderer.

Perhaps not the most traditional rendering of Christmas, but it's a lot more wholesome than the Paris Hilton holiday display. Close-up photos of Santa's evil deeds are up on Flickr.

Go Mummy Cats!

There are so many heartwarming stories to cheer and delight us during the holiday season, but this one is our favorite so far. 

Seems that after finding a mummified cat - with whiskers still intact -- in a Utah school, the kids voted the Mummy Cat as their new mascot. 

According to the news report, a handyman found the cat in the crawl space of the 116-year-old building. The science teacher was thrilled because it drove home his Egyptian studies lessons. And the kids (K-8) thought it was cooler to be known as the Mummy Cats, rather than Wolverines or Ravens. Complete details, including a worthwhile video clip and a slideshow, can be found here.

This is a story that resonates with us, because right before we first moved into our plush editorial offices, a home inspector informed us that we had a dead cat in our crawl space. Fortunately, one of our brave interns went in and removed it before any significant mummification could occur.

But should Scribblista ever need a mascot, we doubt we could do better than a Mummy Cat.   

Sick Day

Scribblista's editorial offices will be closed today as we've come down with the flu. We hope to be able to resume wisecracking publishing tomorrow.