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How to Ruin A Dog

We made a scary discovery the other day, after turning to the Internet for information about the care and feeding of our new puppy.

Seems there are so many dog accessories out there that it is now possible to turn pooch into your own fuzzy, cuddly and sometimes stinky Barbie doll.

We happened onto this subculture while searching for a stylish practical dog carrier. Google directed us to the Pampered Puppy, where we noticed that the site had an entire category for barrettes & jewelry. Other sites separate barrettes into a unique category so that shoppers won't get confused if they actually need a dog necklace. 

A little poking around revealed that there's a seemingly endless assortment of ridiculous accoutrements for Fido at stores with names like Ritzy Rover, Haute Dog Boutique and VIPoochy.

By now we've read at least a half-dozen dog books and at no point do any of them mention the need for sequined halter tops or cocktail dresses. Note the outrageous price in the corner.

                                               

Meet Duncan

Here's our official mascot and latest addition to the family.

Duncan is seven weeks old and when we put him on the scale yesterday, he weighed all of 2.4 pounds. He sleeps a lot, but unfortunately, only when he's draped all over us. He hasn't eaten a power cord yet, but he has figured out that leaves and paper towels aren't especially tasty. 

Meanwhile, we'll resist the urge to write exclusively about all the adorable things he does. We promise to return to our regularly scheduled programming whenever we stop doting on him very soon.

Puppy Love

In a coupla days, we'll be getting a new puppy and our normally quiet editorial offices will be turned upside down.

He's a mutt schnoodle, or a cross between a poodle and a schnauzer. Somehow, we were lucky enough to find him without having to spend a fortune or custom-order him from one of those puppy mills online dog breeders.

All we know so far is that he's funny-looking, seems to be a reserved and serious little fellow and is so damn cute, it makes us swoon. We're also pretty sure he'll poop a lot.

He isn't the pup in the photo, but looks a lot like this. If you can think of a good name, let us know!

Just Say No

An Open Memo To Anna Wintour, Et Al:

It's simple, really: We don't want to look like Japanese anime bunnies. We do not want to resemble those spooky twins in The Shining. We don't want our fall wardrobes to frighten little children.

Please, pretty please, won't you stop the madness while you still can?

The Truth Is Out There

Okay, we realize that a Tom Cruise & Oprah mashup is some sort of blogosphere/ late night TV guilty pleasure.... but we just couldn't resist. And if you're mystified by this, click here.

Psychoses: An Illustrated Guide

We like to think that most of us can proudly claim at least one or two major personality disorders.

Generally, these mental health quirks are cataloged in the DSM-VI, the shrink's official manual defining the many different flavors of crazy. Sadly, it's a total bore to read.

But we just discovered the mental illness picture book by magazine and advertising illustrator Boris Artzybasheff.

His Neurotica collection, part of his 1954 book As I See, is a fine catalog of crazy. It proves that, when it comes to mental disorders, pictures can say so much more than words. 

For instance, this depicts "Repressed Hostility." --->

               
Below are some others. Can you guess what they represent? [Click pictures to enlarge; click here to see if you got them right and see more images. Or just tell what each looks like to you.]

A True Valentine's Day Story

Sometime back, a friend told us what Valentine's Day means to him:
One chilly Feburary morning, he woke up to find that his fiancée had bought him one of those cheesy white bears from Walgreens. It held a red heart saying something like, "I LUV U!"

At that moment, he realized she no longer loved him at all.

His logic: Her gift was so cliché, so pro forma, so totally devoid of any real sentiment or irony, and so very, very wrong for the two of them that he immediately understood that it was, in fact, a hostile gesture. They broke up soon after that. 

With his cautionary tale in mind, we skipped the Hallmark cards, boxes of chocolate, cheesy white bears and dozen roses. Instead, we present you with our favorite Jim Dine painting, because we care enough to Google the very best.   

Happy Valentine's Day, all. 

Do Ya Feel Lucky, Punk?

Dick, Dick, Dick.....

Yes, you prefer to communicate with the public using simple, easy-to-grasp concepts, but isn't shooting a guy in the face a bit too obvious?   

We already know this administration has an itchy trigger finger, fires without thinking and -- when there's a prize in sight -- is totally unconcerned with who gets in its way.

But, geez, Dick... did you have to be that literal?

UPDATE: Funny pix here.

Dumpster Chic

If the fashionista in your life has seemed a little preoccupied lately, it's because this is Fashion Week in NYC.

As models swaggered down the runways in the Fall 2006 Collections, the rest of us got a preview of what we'll be wearing the coming years.

Marc Jacobs -- fashion's current high priest -- came out with clothes that are best described as Dumpster Chic. His collection got a stellar review by the NYT, who claimed it captured a "vagabond urban richness."  [It's up to the reader to decide whether this remark is sarcastic.]

Aww, c'mon, Marc. Isn't it time you admit that all you've done is swipe this look off the backs of today's starlets. 

Think Mary Kate Olsen drowning in those bag lady get-ups.

Or Kirsten Dunst who mistakenly wore a wad of Kleenex to a movie premiere.   

Think Sienna Miller, who threw a belt over a swath of burlap. Or Katie Holmes, in her post-Stepfordized incarnation. 

But there is a silver lining to Dumpster Chic: We can all eat carbs again.

* Prior to their emergence on the runways, we issued warnings about leg warmers here and here.

Why We Don't Trust The News

Lately, media folks have been buzzing about CBS's courtship of Katie Couric, and the likelihood that she'll fill Dan Rather's old seat when her $60 million Today Show contract is up in May.

Yup, it makes us feel a little ill over here too.

So, in case CBS president Les Moonves is reading this, let us make one thing perfectly clear: No one wants a ditz -- especially one who encourages pigeons to crap all over her -- anchoring the CBS Evening News.   

If you didn't see Katie-and-the-pigeons, watch this Today Show video. It'll convince anyone that:

1. She's a fruitcake.
2. She has lousy taste in house coats.
   
3. If CBS truly believes this what America wants, the only thing left to say is: Good night and good luck.