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We Still Like You, Jews

And in our continuing coverage of how everyone else covers and/or mocks Mel Gibson comes the following:

1) Comedy Central took out this hilarious full-page ad in Variety yesterday. No joke.

2) Some bloggers got together to conduct a controlled scientific experiment: How many drinks does it take to turn them into bigots. We believe they're still drinking.

And while you're here, please take our survey:

Who's had the most awesome crash-and-burn career disaster? 

* Mel
* Tom Cruise
* James Frey (the writer who got ripped into a million little pieces on Oprah a few months back)

We Love Ourselves

Yes, yes, we know that you think the only reason that we're back is because Mel Gibson got busted for being a drunk, anti-semite and all-purpose boob. 

But in fact, we're back just because we love ourselves and we missed ourselves. We've been busy in our new gig as a professional blogger [try saying that with a straight face] over at Lime.com. [Pop over & check it out.]

Anyhoo, speaking of loving oneself: Marie Claire -- one of those formerly decent chick-mags that's turned to drivel -- just got burned by Ashlee Simpson. She's that pop tart who's most famous [apart from being the sister of someone a lot more famous] for her lip-synching scandal on Saturday Night Live.

Seems that after spewing out a bunch of gibberish about how much she loves herself in Marie Claire, she went off and got a nose job.

This apparently outraged the editors so much that they decided to adopt a no-fluff policy.   

So, instead of fluff, the new editor graced their September cover with Maggie Gyllenhaal, who is perhaps most interesting for her naughty turn in Secretary or being close to her brother Jake or the fact that she's about to get hitched and have a kid with the ever-swoon-worthy Peter Sarsgaard. Oh yeah, and she starred in that little cult sensation called Donnie Darko. You decide.

Meanwhile, thank you for coming to your senses, Marie Claire. Thank you for giving your magazine this desperately-needed Before and After-style makeover.

We don't know if the magazine is actually any good yet. But we are truly glad you now see that no smart chick would ever be even remotely interested in Ashlee Simpson.   

iPotty

At first blush, this iPod dock/TP holder struck us as a bit ... hmm, how should we put this? .... silly.

But then we remembered that, historically, people have been too quick to pooh-pooh genius when it involves bathroom paraphernalia.

For instance, a lot of narrow-minded, bourgeois folks once scoffed when artist Marcel Duchamp signed a urinal and called it art.

Yet, almost a century later, Fountain has been hailed as the most important work of modern art, beating out Picasso and Warhol, according to some 500 artists, curators and other assorted twits experts.

So, even though whoever invented this little masterpiece claims that it's merely a clever gadget and not a visionary piece of art, we refuse to believe it. We also refuse to go on the record and call it ridiculous.

In fact, we'd like to be the first to say that we believe it's worthy of a permanent place at the Smithsonian. At the very least, it's destined to become a collector's item.

What's Not to Love?

We're not going to sugarcoat it: There some butt-ugly mutts out there.

Fortunately, these little guys know how to turn lemons into lemonade. Some have parlayed their, ahem, special qualities into at least 15 minutes of fame [modelling, tv appearances, beauty contests].

And now they are the finalists in the uber-competitive World's Ugliest Dog contest. Vote here for the doggie that you'd least want to cover you with big, wet, slobbery kisses.

 

Yep, That's A Deal-Breaker

[Ed. Note: The following is the true story about how a promising new relationship can come to a crashing end.]    

Jane*: [Playfully] Do you always have to be so inscrutable?   

Dick*: [Playfully] Inscrutable? Is that one of those words you keep making up?

Jane: [Somewhat dumbfounded] Um, no. That's a real word. It means hard-to-understand or kind of mysterious. Look it up.

Dick: [After Googling inscrutable] Damn. It is a real word.

Jane: [Testing the waters] Did you think that I just invented a word?

Dick: [Utterly serious] Sure. You do it all the time. Like the other day, you made up the word **sardonic.

[* Names have been changed to protect the ignorant innocent]

[** We think it's safe to assume that our regular readers appreciate this word as much as we do.]

Pimps Rock

It's safe to say that last night's Oscars were a total yawn. The actresses wore pale, boring gowns. The presenters dutifully followed their scripts. Even bright spots like Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell and Jon Stewart couldn't bust through the doldrums. 

And then.... Three 6 Mafia performed It's Hard Out There For A Pimp. If you didn't see it, watch it here.

Suddenly and briefly, the Oscars got interesting. We marvelled at the choreography. We thrilled at the lyrics. We wondered about the random white dude. And we finally got to hear someone say "bitches" and "hoes" at the Oscars.

And finally, we're glad that some attention has been shed on this important and worthy cause. Please let us know when the telethon airs for all the disenfranchised pimps out there.

The Truth Is Out There

Okay, we realize that a Tom Cruise & Oprah mashup is some sort of blogosphere/ late night TV guilty pleasure.... but we just couldn't resist. And if you're mystified by this, click here.

Do Ya Feel Lucky, Punk?

Dick, Dick, Dick.....

Yes, you prefer to communicate with the public using simple, easy-to-grasp concepts, but isn't shooting a guy in the face a bit too obvious?   

We already know this administration has an itchy trigger finger, fires without thinking and -- when there's a prize in sight -- is totally unconcerned with who gets in its way.

But, geez, Dick... did you have to be that literal?

UPDATE: Funny pix here.

Reason No. 438 Not To Mess With Oprah

We started reading A Million Little Pieces, [we were, of course, unable to resist the scandal of it all] and just finished Frey's horribly graphic [and fake] account of a root canal sans novocaine. 

It probably feels a lot like having Oprah work you over on national TV.    

Oprah -- who's single-handedly responsible for the fact that we've even heard of James Frey -- ripped the dude into a million little pieces on her show today for being a big, fat liar.

It was an awesome hour of TV. Here's what we took away:

How We Learned That We've Been Anti-Lady

We've always thought of ourselves as feminists and pretty dang pro-lady, too.
But, apparently, not so much.
We realized the error of our ways, after watching this SNL video and we must admit that we continue to be schooled by you, Drew Barrymore.

Our apologies for trying to school you last week on the importance of wearing a bra during a nationally televised event. You All women are beautiful, regardless of their undergarment choices.   

Truce, girlfriend.