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Life Imitates Claymation

Something wicked this way hops.

That ominous tagline for Wallace & Gromit's Curse of the Were-Rabbit set the stage for our plasticine heroes to outsmart and capture a monster rabbit wrecking havoc on prize gardens throughout England and trampling the hopes of townsfolk who just want the world to admire their massive watermelons and shiny red tomatoes.   

And now it seems that is an actual monster rabbit on the loose in an English village. The crafy beast - as "big as a dog" (and hopefully bigger than our four-pound pup) - is terrorizing their vegetable patches, devouring every leek, parsnip and cabbage in the county and pissing off the local gardners.

Town meetings have been called. Guards have been appointed. But without Wallace and Gromit rushing to their rescue, we suspect that those carefully-tended, prize-worthy veggies are now likely to about as glamourous as the leftover salad in our fridge.  

News of the Day

We love a busy news day... especially when the news is gossipy, media-focused and brings tempestous relationships to a head. 

We tuned into the Today Show at the split second that Katie Couric said screw you sayonara to NBC. [And was it just us, or did the entire Today Show team seem a little blissed out by her soon-to-happen departure?] In any case, her replacement is considerably less annoying.

Then we learned that Apple is, at long last, ready to hop into bed with Windows. [Though Apple still seems reluctant to be seen at breakfast with Bill Gates and Co.]

A quick perusal through the gossip blogs confirmed our growing suspicion that Lance Armstrong is a putz.

But the real news du jour?
The prospect that time travel via a basketball-sized gizmo may soon be possible.

So, it looks like today's newsmakers won't ever be able to regret their decisions.

A Very Special Spanking

More than 24 hours have gone by and we haven't had a chance to scold any politicians, celebrities or major media figures yet today.   
Clearly, we're slacking off. But we're also late for happy hour.
So, allow us to present special guest Jon Stewart, who's been invited to deliver today's reprimand via this video clip.

Actual News Displaces Wilma

The slickered reporters from CNN, MSNBC, et al actually got blown off the air for some real news this morning.

We find that the hurricane reporting formula -- the blustery hype, bad connections and ruffling toupees -- lulls us into a stupor, so it shocked back to attention to learn that the White House has announced a new Fed Chair - a guy named Ben Bernanke -  to replace the venerable Allan Greenspan.

We wonder if Ben will become yet another named storm that the Bush Administration will have to weather this year, particularly in the wake of Scooter, Karl, Judy and, of course, the devastating Harriet.

Meanwhile, if you've missed a single moment of this years' hurricane season, catch up with NASA's time-lapse review of this year's storm activity, which compresses all the named storms into 30 seconds.

Scrapple

• Python eats alligator, explodes.

• Art? Or is it crime?

• Harriet Miers gets makeover, finds twin.

• Fish-bots still make lousy pets.

• Babies are bite-sized, not edible.

• Zellwegger stalks Page SixSixSix.

• Crooks don't like panty-hose either.

• Bush plagarizes Star Wars villian.

(Oh, and TomKitten expected; Jessica & hubby may or may not split; Lindsay Lohan is a bad driver

Penguins Uphold Romantic Clichés

Yes, love is a battlefield for penguins, too.

Or at least it's an old landmine-studded breeding ground in the Falkland Islands that some 1,500 penguins have to waddle across to get a little sugar. Humans everywhere empathize. [Reuters] 

Yes, the challenges of modern family life affect penguins, too.

Gay penguin couple, Silo & Roy -- who spent six happy and quasi-famous years together raising a penguinlet at the Central Park Zoo -- have split up. Seems bi-curious Silo took one look at  Ms. Scrappy, a hot little import from Sea World, and dumped Roy cold. That's life in the big city. [NYT]

UPDATE: A sharp-eyed reader noticed that the NYT article also mentioned that the girl penguinlet raised by Silo & Roy is currenly shacked up with a chick...

Scientists explain that bisexuality in animals is a common occurrence. And Christian conservatives, who hailed March of the Penguins for its pro-family messages, already think science sucks.  

Meanwhile, Silo & Scrappy are rumored to have adopted an African baby girl named Zahara. [Gawker]

Quickies

More totally pointless things you'll be glad you know:
Public indecency charges were dropped against a Manhattan protester today after the judge threw out the case for being "too vague" - or as the NYT put it: "too scantily described." [Gothamist]

Two new condom brands went on sale in China -  the Clinton and the Lewinsky. "The names we chose are symbols of people who are responsible and dedicated to their jobs," said the manufacturer. "Bill Clinton cannot be unhappy about this because he's a very generous man." [AP]

The new iPod Erotica debuts; in related news, Nano's marketing team begins to re-think its "impossibly small" tagline.

Can't get enough Anderson Cooper, Bill O'Reilly or Katie Couric? Go shoot yourself in the head. Download a free Talking Head screensaver.

Media Buzz

Whew! Didn't post yesterday because I was a bit, um, tied up. Some dread pirate boarded my good ship, ripped off my bodice, then tattooed his mission statement upon me. It's enough to make a girl feel positively ravished....    

Anyway, I barely managed to get that tattoo lasered off before dashing off to this very exclusive, insider-y type media cocktail party. Only the elite Times Select crowd got an invite.

Maureen Dowd handed me an Appletini and made characteristically catty remarks about the "Times Select Is Broken" snafu and the bootlegs of their "gotta pay-for-'em" opinions that were already widely available on the web. Being a bit of a skinflint and not entirely convinced that her opinions are worth $49.95, I was thrilled by this tidbit! 

Weekend Style Section

Celeb Gossip:
Dica images of Kate Moss snorting coke shot across the blogoverse, then landed on the U.K tabloids. And we thought cellphones were just annoying at the movies!

 

• Renee Zelewegger's four-month marriage to Kenny Chesney went bust. She's citing fraud. [Ed. Note: As we write this, we realize we don't care about celebrity gossip. Hmm....]
• Italian rags think Brangelina  (Brad+Angelina, for our newbies) may wed soon.
• Separated at birth: Susan Sontag & Alice Cooper

Fashion: OUT: Tribal jewelry, crochet shrugs and kaftans (whew!). IN: Wide trousers,  brogues (we're fairly sure they don't mean an Irish accent) and flora and fauna pants (whoa, nelly!). Gory details here.         

Newsy Goodness 9.16

A Cocktail Party Cheat Sheet:

• Bush Speech: Bush did his speaking-in-tongues thing again yesterday live from New Orleans. Key buzz points: 
  
  • See the wreckage? See George's presidency? Connect the dots. Or let the NYT do it for you.
  • Bad blue klieg lighting caused Mr. President to look as though he'd stumbled into a David Lynch movie. Oh wait, maybe that's the entire country.
  • Karl Rove is in charge of NOLA reconstruction, recovery. [Ed. note: This news so bad/scary, we'll skip the cheap joke.]

• Science: Weekend space hobbyists -- or technically-inclined voyeurs -- can now build and launch their very own satellites into space.
• Nature: Unicorns, Sasquatch be warned: the elusive white giraffe has been photographed at a Tanzania national park. In other wildlife news, the even rarer Alaskan elephant will get his own treadmill to maintain his sleek physique.